Breaking News: Sarah Palin’s Latest Child Is a Baby

While reading the Tennessean’s online, I can across an article about John McCain selecting Alaska governor Sarah Palin as his running mate.  The article gives a brief overview of Palin’s political/biographical background, ending with this final sentence:

She and her husband Todd Palin, have five children. The latest, a baby, was born with Down syndrome.

I find it so comforting to know that Palin’s latest child was a baby, and not, I don’t know, a chicken or an alien.  Rest assured people, the Tennessean has confirmed that Palin’s latest child was indeed a baby.  You can go back to your arguing over who would make a better president: Obama or McCain.  Thank you for your time.

I Love Spam! Especially When It Comes from Princeton Premier!

According to an e-mail I just received, I’ve been nominated for a prestigious honor shared by thousands of executives and professionals throughout the world each year, considered by many as the single highest mark of achievement, and they don’t even know my name. There was no salutation line, just this:

It is my pleasure to inform you that you are being considered for inclusion into the 2008-2009 Princeton Premier Business Leaders and Professionals Honors Edition section of the registry.

The 2008 / 2009 edition of the registry will include biographies of the world’s most accomplished individuals. Recognition of this kind is an honor shared by thousands of executives and professionals throughout the world each year. Inclusion is considered by many as the single highest mark of achievement.

You may access our application form using the following link:

http://www.formspring.com/forms/?309494-M62LlkxwLF

Upon final confirmation, you will be listed among other accomplished individuals in the Princeton Premier Registry.

For accuracy and publication deadlines, please complete your application form and return it to us within five business days. There is no cost to be included in the registry.

On behalf of the Executive Publisher, we wish you continued success.
Sincerely,

Jason Harris
Managing Director
Princeton Premier

Classic. I love it! So tell me, fellow bloggers (and readers), who among you has also been nominated for this prestigious honor? I’m sure there are thousands. That’s what my letter said, at least. Oh, and please respond within 5 business days. I wish you continued success.

PS – This is not the first time I have received this letter, just the first time I found it funny enough to write about it instead of just deleting it.

“She Get It From Her Mama”

My mom sent me the following e-mail today. Now I know for sure where I get my grammar amusement from. I get it from my mama, of course.

US tourist drugged, killed by train in Rome

Published: 5/26/08, 9:25 PM EDT
By MARTA FALCONI

ROME (AP) – An American tourist was killed by a train as he walked on the tracks in a daze after he drank a cappuccino laced with drugs and then was robbed, railway police said Monday.

Laura,

This was a headline on the bellsouth.net home page under world news. My first thought was how in the world did a train drug someone? Then I thought maybe they meant the trained dragged someone. Wrong on both counts. Thought you might find it amusing.

Love,

Mom

I love you too, Mom!

Related:

This Just In …

Word of the Day: Ambulate

Ambulate

Function: intransitive verb

Inflected Form(s): am·bu·lat·ed; am·bu·lat·ing

Etymology: Latin ambulatus, past participle of ambulare

Date: circa 1623

: to move from place to place : walk

Why would you use the word “ambulate” when the word “walk” will work just fine, especially if you have already used the word “walk” to set up the sentence in which you use the word “ambulate”? The word “ambulate” does not add anything to your writing. I know in grammar school, we were all taught to use descriptive language and replace words like “walk” with flowery synonyms like “saunter,” “stomp,” and “lumber.” However, if “walk” works just fine and gets your point across, then just use “walk.” Don’t try to replace it with some random word that most people will have look up in the dictionary anyway. It’s pointless.

People who use unnecessarily complicated words in an attempt to come across as well-read, well-educated, intelligent, or whatever are just plain annoying, not to mention bombastic, grandiloquent, and possibly supercilious.

Congradulations!

From my inbox:

Congrads on your new position as editor.

Seriously? Come on people. For clarification, this was not some casual e-mail sent to me by a friend. If it were, I would have ignored it. (After all, I don’t spell check casual e-mails I send to friends. I don’t always spell check my blog.) But it wasn’t. It concluded the opening paragraph of a well thought out 800+ word testimonial pitch (we don’t publish those anyway) sent to me by a PR representative. Sure, “conGRADulations” is cute on a graduation card … but if you’re trying to pitch a story to an editor, please use spell check. Thanks.

It might be "worth while" to learn the difference between affect and effect.

From my Inbox:

One suggestion I do have is to possibly get on a call with our president…He can talk about mold and its affect on allergies, and he can also provide solutions, with a VERY soft sell of our product (fact sheet attached). Let me know if that’s something worth while to pursue and I’d be happy to set it up for you (or the writer).

Manager, Marketing Communications

Addicted to the Office, Not Again

From Facebook’s Addicted to the Office application — same “thats,” another user (I’m not even going to mention the missing comma.):

“On days that we talk about sexual harassment thats the day that everyone harasses me as a joke.”

–Jenna Fischer as Pam Beesly

Related:

That’s What He Said?

This Poem Really Had an "Affect" on Me. I Hope It "Effects" You As Well.

The following poem about preventing child abuse was recently forwarded to me. I hate forwards, especially those of the “pass this along …” variety. I especially hate forwards that appear to be written by eight-year-olds. Sure, the poem has a nice sentiment, but it is written so poorly that its meaning almost becomes lost. The affect/effect confusion is especially irritating, not to mention the use of the word “im.”

As a side note, passing along a poem isn’t going to stop child abuse. For more on how to prevent child abuse, visit http://www.preventchildabuse.org/.

My name is Chris
I am three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren’t ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can’t do a wrong
I can’t speak at all
Or else im locked up
All day long.
When im awake im all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren’t home
When my mommy does come home
I’ll try and be nice,
So maybe i’ll just get
One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie’s bar.
I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself
Against the wall
I try to hide
From his evil eyes
I’m so afraid now
I’m starting to cry
He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault
He suffers at work.
He slaps and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And run to the door
He’s already locked it
And i start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken,
“I’m sorry!”, I scream
But its now much to late
His face has been twisted
Into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While i lay there motionless
Brawled on the floor
My name is chris
I am three,
Tonight my daddy
Murdered me
And you can help
Sickens me top the soul,
And if you read this
and don’t pass it on
I pray for your forgiveness
Because you would have to be
One heartless person
To not be effected
By this Poem
And because you are effected,
Do something about it!
So all I ask you to do
Is pass this on!
IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE

That’s What He Said?

A quote from Facebook’s Addicted to The Office application:

“Thats what she said.”
–Steve Carell as Michael Scott

This Just In …

Report: Abstinence Not Curbing Teen Sex
Associated Press

Really? How is this possible? Maybe you should rethink that headline, Associated Press.  How about “Abstinence Education Not Curbing Teen Sex”?  It seems to me that abstinence would curb teen sex since abstinence is the act of not having sex.